My Name is Claudia

Date Night: Caffeine and Alcohol

[NOT SO] BREAKING NEWS: I went on a date about a week and a half ago. The fact that I’m just getting to writing about it now should be some sort of indicator about how I thought it went.

About the dude: 36. Grad student. Tall. Dark hair. Boyishly cute. 

You’d think that would be a recipe to keep me intrigued, but no. He doesn’t really drink, so we met up at a Starbucks (I know, I know—tried local coffee place but it was closed) for a coffee. He was a little late (totally fine with me, I like to get there first). In his defense he offered to pick me up, but I told him it’d be better if we met somewhere halfway (that way I could make my escape if need be). 

Once he got there, we made small talk. But after a while, I felt like I was the one driving the conversation. But, I kept an open mind. So much that when he suggested we walk across the parking lot (like 30 yards) for a bite to eat, I obliged. At this point it was rather late, so I didn’t eat, but instead opted for a beer (it was a sports bar, after all). So he drank his diet coke and offered me some of his chicken wings. After 2 hours or so of being out, we seemed to run out of conversation, and I told him I had to be up early the next day (true story), so we hugged and parted ways. 

The fact that neither of us has contacted each other since is further proof that we are both completely nice people that do not see this going anywhere (sorry, Mom). My first date in seven months and it was a BUST. Onto the next (whenever that is)…

Keeping in touch with an ex—what are the general feelings on this?

First off, I feel like I’ve been Tumblr deprived. Too much work (and play) don’t leave time for blogging. 

Now, to random topics that seem completely important (but in the grand scheme of things, not so much). Every once in a while I get into this mood of getting in touch with a former flame. And with the new Anna Faris movie coming out about this very subject, made me think it was worth a post to see if anyone else had any feedback. 

I’d say I don’t know why I do it, but I do. There are a few guys that I keep in touch once in a blue moon. Whether it be through e-mail, a text, a FB post, I keep the lines of communication open for a select few. And I’m not implying they’re members of some elite club deserving of my friendship. They’re just nice guys that things didn’t work out with romantically. That said, sometimes when I fall into that depressing single girl mode about not having a significant other, I e-mail or text or what not. Sometimes it’s just to reminisce. Sometimes to remind me why things didn’t work out in the first place (after all, I broke things off for a reason with all but one of them). Though one of my friends is still convinced I’ll end up with my boyfriend from junior high (does a junior high boyfriend even count?).

All in all, I keep saying I need to date more. But I HATE dating. It feels like a job interview. Or even worse…a chore. If only I could skip the awkward first date and skip to date number two or three where you start feeling more comfortable with the person. I’d say skip ahead a few months, but I do like that feeling of firsts that you have when you date someone new. I don’t know if I’m really asking for advice, but if you have some, I’ll take it. 

The Other Type of PDA

Okay, so as mentioned before, I’ve been on a few dates with this really nice guy. I do like spending time with him, but sometimes I really do question my irrational behavior.

Last night, The Guy came over to my apartment to watch a movie. This presented dilemma #1: what movie to watch? I have OnDemand and a Netflix account. You’d think with that plus cable TV we’d be able to pick something. Alas, when I wanted to watch Killers (terrible, I know) or Kickass, he didn’t seem entirely enthusiastic. And don’t even get me started on how I secretly wanted to watch a rom-com but didn’t want to torture him with that.

So, we settled on Batman Begins (which was on TV). So here lies my irrational behavior and problem…we were sitting on the couch. He held my hand (I’m ok with that, although in public it’s a little iffy for me). Then he started caressing my leg. It was somewhat ticklish which probably was one reason it bothered me. But I also just felt suffocated. That’s not normal, right? Some perfectly nice gentleman showing affection towards me and I’m annoyed? Which got me thinking, do any of you have problems with PRIVATE displays of affection? I know that sounds RIDICULOUS so maybe it is just me. I’m convinced that in my many years of singledom and dating, I have grown some sort of tough emotional exterior that is hard to crack. This is about the time that my mother would chime in on the phone and tell me that I need to learn to compromise (which I am…I promise!). So when I told The Guy that the caressing kinda bothered me, he stopped. But I didn’t want to make him feel like crap, so I gave him a kiss and held his hand. 

Again, I do like spending time with him…it’s just me needing to adjust (and compromise). Any advice out there?

UPDATE: My childhood friend (a male) that I’ve known since 2nd grade offered some advice. He didn’t want to come off as rude, so he e-mailed it to me rather than comment. Although if I’m putting it out there for the Internets, I don’t have anything to hide.

From M: 
The real question is if you would feel this same way with “anybody.”  I mean, same scenario, but its your long term boyfriend ex, would your reaction be the same?  Brad Pitt?

If the answer is yes, then it is just about your preferences, but it seems to me that it might be more about how you feel about him.  Maybe you don’t know him well enough yet, or are not that into him yet.  The key to me was that you felt “suffocated,” and that isn’t a feeling people tend to have with someone they are really into, they usually want more closeness.

Then again, girl’s have this built in “let’s not go too fast” reflex, so that might be where it comes from too. 

What I really took away from this was the last part. I definitely have said I don’t want to go too fast, and maybe that was that reflex taking over. Because me and The Guy really do have good chemistry. I think it’s just 30 year old me set in my ways….again, something I have to work on.

Romance, Schmomance

Alexander: Are you ok?
Carrie: No… It’s too much… I’m an American, you gotta take it down a notch

So, I’ve been on a few dates with this guy. Friend of a friend. All in all, great guy. Very honest (almost too much), great sense of humor, tall & cute. That said, he’s been extremely sweet to me. He asked me out last Friday for dinner and brought me flowers. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT’S BEEN SINCE I WAS PROPERLY ASKED OUT TO DINNER AND WAS GIVEN FLOWERS???? I think the last time a guy asked me out like that was maybe 3 years ago. And the last time I was given flowers…hmm…Valentine’s Day ‘05? Pretty sure that was the last time someone of the opposite sex bought me flowers. 

But I will say the romantic gestures are somewhat lost on me. It’s been so long, I don’t know how to react. Obviously I blush a little (genuine reaction) and say thank you, but I just don’t know how to react so that the guy knows I truly am appreciative without seeming ungrateful. It reminded me of that SATC episode where Carrie is going out with the Russian and he buys her an Oscar De La Renta dress that she once talked about and takes her to the opera and she faints when he asks her to dance outside. Then she tells him the romance is too much and he has to take it down a notch. That’s how I feel. I sincerely appreciate the gestures…but the cynic in me doesn’t quite know how to be romanced. That’s kinda sad if you think about it. Which might explain why I’m 30 and single.

First Date

So last Friday I went out on a date. Yes, a date. Those have been few and far between since my move to Florida almost two years ago…well, minus this whole thing. It was all rather abrupt in how it came up and turned into movie and billiards the very next day. All in all I had a great time. It was nice to feel pursued by a date with manners and all that jazz. In fact, we actually went to the beach with a few friends on Memorial Day. With dates one and two under my belt, I think I could see things slowly develop over time. Slow being the key word. I’m in no rush. I like to take my time and we’ll see how things go. Until then, I’ll enjoy dating.

[Editor’s Note: That is NOT me and my date above, in case you were wondering]

Revelation

I AM Courteney Cox.

Ok, well maybe not literally. But hear me out. I was listening to Howard Stern this morning (as I normally do on my way to work) and Courteney Cox unexpectedly stopped by and ended up having an on air therapy session with Howard and David Arquette. 

She constantly mentioned David’s age (i.e., him being younger than her) and hinted at it being a factor in the failure of their relationship. Then…DING DING DING! Confession: I have not dated a guy my age or older since I was in college. After that I had a long term boyfriend for a few years (who in all fairness was only about 6 months younger, but still) and it ultimately didn’t work out. All of the guys I dated since then have been younger. Granted, life span of these relationships lasted on average 3-6 months (tops). Confession: the very last guy I dated was 6(!) years younger than me. And it didn’t end badly, I just realized it wasn’t going anywhere and didn’t want to waste his (or my) time anymore. 

I’ve been saying FOREVER how I wish I could just date someone my age or older. But listening to Courteney and David on air just totally reiterated the idea. Now if only I can find out where men 30-38 hang out. And don’t ask me why my cut off is 38…it’s an arbitrary number.